Let me start this topic with a personal confession: I never once used a swear word until I was 16 years old. At least not what I considered a swear word, although the list is probably the commonly accepted one. In some regions it’s called cussing, spouting profanity, expletives, or vulgarities.

Then I used one swear word on a dare and never swore again until I was 21.

Self-Limiting

Now I feel I limited my vocabulary in an artificial way that stunted my growth in the language that I love. As a writer that makes me feel ashamed and disappointed.

I should have taken the freedom to cuss like a sailor at a younger age. It would have given me a greater command of the English language and I would have been much less of an obnoxious tight-ass (if you think I am now, you should have seen me then). It was small-minded of me to judge people for using what I considered “vulgar” words: I was looking past the person, past what was actually being said, and fixating on my own offense at a word.

Let me be clear: I like thoughtful people.

You know where I found my greatest lesson in regards to swearing? Dr. Seuss. From Dr. Seuss I discovered the word Euphemism and it had an impact on me later in life. Substituting words is inevitable if you refuse to accept the most natural words for exclamations. It’s filtering. When I was young, I was encouraged in Sunday School to substitute and since I already refused to swear, I gleefully accepted some of the examples which included “Cotton Picking!” and “Schmuck!”. Those sounded silly and harmless to me at the time, but the first has racial overtones that I would never intentionally use and the second is perversely gross and I was using it inappropriately.

I don’t think it takes much thought to put a filter on words. You can train yourself into systematic response. I know it, I did it for many years. Even as a child and teenager I was self-controlled in this way. Too self-controlled.

The Debate

I’ve heard all of the arguments against swearing, since I’ve used most of them myself. I can recite them if you wish, because they’re by rote and not very inventive. Here’s the first one: “swearing is unimaginative” or “swearing is lazy” or “swearing is unintelligent”. These are all the same and they are nastier personal insults than any swear word I can think of.

You know what’s unimaginative? Insulting someone instead of actually addressing the argument.

Insulting doesn’t require swearing, but when swearing is involved it’s usually more direct, less passive-aggressive, efficiently descriptive and compressed.

If I want to be really nasty to someone, I intentionally do not swear, because it’s possible to get deeply personal and completely cutthroat in non-swearing insults. It’s not that the swear words are less effective, it’s that other insults can snipe under the radar. Yeah it’s passive-aggressive and if I want to be a real asshole, I will use people’s objection to swear words against them. I usually feel dirty after dishing those sort of insults, but if I simply cut to the chase and swear, I feel clean.

I also prefer that others are direct with me when they choose to insult.

Think about it. Which are the more honest words to use?

You know what’s also unimaginative? Assumptions that all swearing involves insults. Some people never get past the offense they take at hearing a word and declare all expletives as insults, completely skipping past all context.

Mark Twain said “profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer” as well as “There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It’s dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.”

There’s evidence now to back up Mark Twain’s theory that it’s actually healthy to exclaim, especially in situations where adrenalin or endorphins are involved, but also in situations of daily comfort and social relations. Once people take their offense out of the equation, it’s good for morale. If you filter an exclamation, you lose benefits both psychological and physical.

Lewis Black argues that “fuck” is so flexible it works as punctuation.

Generally I’ve found that when people swear, they know the full meaning of their words. How many can say that of the euphemisms they apply? You’re speaking unintelligbly to me if you use words like darn, drat, fudge, etc. because you’re either using nonsense words or you’re applying words in a nonsensical way. I’ll sheepishly admit I fall into that old trap myself at times.

Another poor argument against swearing: “Think of all the people who won’t listen to you” or simply “Swearing limits you”. That’s a bit of double-think. Who’s limiting whom? The person swearing, or the ones refusing to listen because they heard a naughty word they automatically discount? It’s ass-backwards reasoning to say I should filter my output because your input is limited and closed-minded.

An even worse argument? “Would you speak to your Mother that way?” or switch Mother with Grandmother, or Daughter. Why does that question always use a female relation? It’s inherently sexist, but somehow the argument isn’t supposed to be as effective if it’s my Grandfather, Father, Uncle or Brother. And yes as a matter of fact, I speak clearly and directly with my loved ones. I believe they deserve that respect and hopefully they show it to me as well.

I could go on, but I’ll just bring in my closing remarks.

An honest plea

No matter what religion or creed you may follow, I hope that you can read the above thoughtfully and understand my position that swearing isn’t inherently vulgar or a reason to discount and dismiss what a person has to say.

I know not everyone has the social or workplace environment they can safely swear in without repercussions.

I’ll thank you in advance for taking the time to honestly think about it and perhaps make the world a more comfortable place by accepting exclamations and all words of the language in their context.